Monday, 7 December 2009

Hansel and Gretel: A twist in the tale



Brothers grimm, they once created
the story of Hansel and Gretel
I always felt it was way too overrated
too much masala to make it sell

But then I sit and scratch my head
wondering how they cooked up the plot
For had they met a bong instead
an insane touch it would’ve surely got

So here’s the bong version of the duo
a story with a little twist
I hope the story has that, what you call a ‘flow’
a little plagiarism just might assist

A sleeveless blouse, and dhakaai shaari
A giant bindi on her forehead
The stepmother’s attire was really fiery
Sheddho bhaat she swore by, unlike the story’s bread

“Another drought! My hurt hearts badly”
The stepmom cried aloud
“I know, oh my dear shonamonee
Let’s throw our cheeldren out”

So out went little Hanshail and Greytail
Onto the crowded streets of Kolkata
The stepmom’s plan would surely never fail
All details were in her mota khata

“Do not Whorry, my leetal sis
I have counted all the men
All the men I saw shamelessly piss
On eleven walls, no actually ten”

“When ma leaves us, we will follow,
The mark of these freshly wet walls
Just a little pain you need to now swallow
Get home we will, don’t you now fall.”

So, through a million legs and fish stalls
Hanshail steered through
But what was this, now all the walls
had that wetness on them too!

The poor duo was now lost and hungry
thoroughly confused with the route
till they came upon a woman, so angry
that Greytail hid under a bundle of Jute

“Who is she”, thought Hanshail aloud
“She seems so horrid and sly”
“She looks like a witch and burps so loud”
No wonder the name plate says “Mukho-pad-dhyay”

“But we’ll still ask her if she can give us,
something to drink and eat
But if she starts to create too much fuss
We’ll make a fast retreat”

So in they went, and knocked at the door meekly
Waiting to see what lay in wait
But the woman ushered them in rather politely
Creating a doubt of whether to like her or to hate

The walls were brown, made of shondesh
The floor of boiled starch
And Gur made up the idols of gonesh
Everything else was ilish maachh!

Greytail started greedily hogging
And Hanshail wasn’t far away
Food everywhere and noone stopping
This was a heavenly stay.

The woman was evil, and extremely wicked
Luring them this way
“Fatten them and put them to bed.
A fine dinner they’d be on Sunday.”

But alas, hypermyopic like all bongs are
The woman could hardly see
“are the children now fat like my ambassador car?”
frequently wonder, would she

And Sunday came, the pot was ready
She worked with an extra zeal
The shorshe prepared, her hands now steady
she got ready for her scrumptious meal

Hanshail and greytail knew of the scheme
This was the moment they dreaded
A push and it ended the woman’s dream
although loudly she pleaded

Running as fast as they could they escaped
The brother sister duo
Jumping, running, they were so jaded
Where was home, was now their woe

Then they met a little duck
Who said she knew the way
“I’ll give you a ride for some 200 bucks”
“that’s the deal, so simply pay”

So fleecing the kids, homeward she flew
On scotch, the bong father was high
And after a robindro shongeet with the crew
The duck stood up to say goodbye

But being the bongs that they proudly were
The happy family caught the duck
Patla jhol they made of her
Putting an end to all her luck

So I end it here, the fairy tale
I’m really out of rhyme
A writer’s block or a complete fail
I’ll write some other time.


P.S.: The words are not misspelt. They are mostly written the way most us bongs pronounce it. e.g. "My hurt hearts = My heart hurts", art would rhyme with hurt.. and so on..

P.P.S.: Hope the bongs enjoy this :P

P.P.P.S.: Inspiration- all the jokes abhishek cracked on bongs


Image: Greg Baldwin

4 comments:

ADI........... said...

Awesome!!! :D

Dishman said...

Very cute.. May be a few of the bong imitations escaped me, but i did get a lot of them. But really good!! As is customary to express my appreciation, I like!! :P

blank_confusion said...

@aditya- thank you

@Nishad- I like the like!! :P

Sharmila Dasgupta said...

superlative :)